Infatuations of Evil
by Vexiss
Summary: Slade decides that he wants his exapprentice Robin back, in a big way. So he decides the best way to go about it is to go to Robin himself.


Night time..

Just like any other regular city..

Any regular city with a few valiant upholders of the concepts of righteousness and justice…

Alien, demonic, robotic, caped, and oddly colored heroes...

Slumbering in a giant 'T' stretching skyward like a humble cross bearing the hopes of all it overlooked..

All was peaceful..

-----

CRASH!

Glass shards tinkled and splattered to the ground from what used to be a massive window spanning the entire room it occupied seconds before.

The rooms single occupant sighed, and stretched in his bed. "Yuh.. Inaminit.. Jus help me peel the girls off.. Heheh.."

Another brick sailed through the gaping hole to the outside world, and arced towards the once again docile figure. It whistle throw the air.. Lowered… Lowered.. And…

SMACK!

Beast Boy immediately sat up sharply in his bed. He winced and rubbed his scalp, and peered at the brick that had decided to nail him in the head. He noticed a large spiderweb of cracks running through it.

"Guess I do have a hard head."

Muffled yelling from outside the Tower. Far down below his room, but his pointed ears were able to hone in on it.

Beast Boy got out of his bed, and shuffled on soft feet over to his brand new exit. A soft breeze softly drifted in and chased the last bits of fleeting sleep from him.

He looked down onto the distant ground, and squinted his green eyes. He saw someone hopping up and down, waving their arms ecstatically. "Oh.. No.." he moaned.

The person's jubilation quickly died down, like a balloon with a needle launched through it.

"Oh.. Oh.. Sorry, Beast Boy! I did it again! That was the wrong window!"

"Augh! This is the eighth time this week! And there are only SEVEN days in a week! What's your problem!" He snarled angrily, and spun to face a wall of his room. "Robin! He's at again! Do something!"

Beast Boy's door slid open, and the Boy Wonder marched in, an eyebrow raised quizzically. "Who's at it ag…" His voice trailed off as he eyed the glittering remains of Beast Boy's window. "You'd think it was YOU he wanted. I mean, it's only been you, except for that one time he threw that huge boulder that put Raven in a coma."

"No, dude, I think he's got the hots for my WINDOWS!"

"Just… Just let me talk to him." Robin pushed Beast Boy aside, and stepped in full view of their conversation's subject.

"Robin! Robin! Oh, Robin! You haven't called yet! Why haven't you called me? Is it because I don't have a phone or something? Or do you.. Do you not like me?"

"Ugh… No.. It's… " Robin's arms waved emphatically. "I told you, I just don't like me-"

BOOM!

The wall behind Robin cascaded outwards, and a green streak swiftly flew into the room, announcing Starfire's arrival.

"It is he, is it not? It is Slade! He has come back for you, Robin!" She had a clawing and hissing cat writing about under her arm, where it was pinned in place. "I shall take him out!"

"No, Star, that's not necessary.. He always leaves after a while."

"NOOOO!" Slade howled towards the Tower. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" He fell to his knees, dramatically clutching his head as he vomited forth scream after scream. "_NOOOOOOOOOO!_"

Beast Boy cringed, his sensitive ears echoing Slade's words reverberatingly. "There he goes again! Why don't we just do what he says for once? Come on, Robin, just spend ONE NIGHT with him! He can't be all that bad looking under his mask."

Robin shook his head firmly. "No. If I give into one, what's stopping me from the next time? Sex is like a drug. It's evil. Don't you listen to what America tells you?"

"**_NOOOOOO!_**" Slade declared one last time before standing, and pointing a resolute finger towards the three Titans.

"My.. Name… Is.."

All three Titans huddled closer instinctively, already knowledgeable of what was to come.

"_DEATHSTROKE **THE TERMINATOOOOOOR!" **_ Lightning suddenly sparkled across the sky at Slade's words, silhouetting the villain. An ominous and spontaneous wind picked up, and was over just as soon as it started. The bay around Titans island seemed to wave and fluctuated in response.

Beast Boy stifled a sob, and Robin cradled him protectively.

"Now, Robin, do I have to do it again, or will you come with me? And when I make you come, it will be very.. Very.. Pleas-"

Beast Boy's eyes shot open widely, and he took a violent inhale of air. "No! No! It's – A Children's – CAR - TOON!"

Starfire's eyes glowed a brilliant emerald, and she hugged the struggling feline closer to her. "You shall be going and Robin shall not be coming!"

With that uttered, she flew out of the tower in a blur, and was sailing down at Slade in the blink of an eye.

"You.. You.. DEROGATORY NAME COMPARABLE OF A FELINE!" She hurled the cat ahead of her with the strength and inescapable aim she had gained with practicing her starbolts.

The cat flew… Flew.. Flew.. And it was on Slade.

Slade struggled wildly, waving his arms about, trying to get a grip on the cat. "You won't get my other eye!"

The cat was poised to plunge its claws into Slade's remaining optic, and…

It exploded outwards in a glob of blood and guts and bone as Starfire flew through it, slamming into Slade. Slade was plowed backwards, and was flying through the air bewilderedly when Starfire was already upon him, kicking and punching away before he had the chance to even think.

"Ragh! Arg! Ha!" She sweat and yelled as she continued assaulting Slade. She finished with a massive downwards punch that ended with Slade's entire body dug a foot into the hard, rocky ground.

"No.. N.. No.. Don't.. Don't!" Slade pleaded as Starfire lifted him out of the crater he had formed. His breath came in ragged, fearful pants.

Starfire smiled as she held him aloft by his neck. "No.. Mercy.." She abided by her rule as she slammed a green glowing fist through Slade's twin colored mask. She gripped him with her other hand as she pulled – pulled – and ripped her arm upwards, straight through Slade's brain. She dropped his lifeless corpse coldly.

"**Starfire wins. Fatality!" **a deep, booming voice declared.

"Your sacred buttocks is safe from this madman's violent pounding!" Starfire declared happily. "We shall rejoice, Robin!"

Beast Boy's face had a look of terror on it. "No! No! Star! Look behind you!"

Starfire kept smiling, seemingly oblivious to Beast Boy's warnings.

She was also oblivious as Slade stood up, cracked his neck, and faced Starfire's exposed back. And speaking of faces, his was without so much as a scratch. You could almost hear his smile as he waited.. Waited..

"**Round two. Fight!"**

Starfire pivoted around, and met Slade's glare. "Ooh! I have forgotten about the roundness of it all!" She stomped her foot angrily.

"Then get ready.. For the longness of it all." Slade sneered.

"What foul trick are you preparing, villain!"

Slade said nothing as he reached down, gripped his pants.. And pulled them straight down.

Robin and Beast Boy each shared glances of confusion and concern.

Starfire shuddered and shook where she stood. Her body was racked one more time, and she fell back. Still. A large hole going straight in her mouth and out the back of it.

Slade pulled his pants back up, and sighed happily. "You just met.. One eyed Wilson. Heh."

"**Slade wins. Friendship!**"

"You.. You big fat meanie!" Robin shouted angrily.

Slade sprung from where he stood, rushed to the Tower's base, and began to scale it with his hands and feet.

Beast Boy screamed, and screamed, and screamed on as Slade kept ascending the building.

Robin stood contemplatively, a look of deep thought plastered to his face.

Slade kept coming up and up, a steady and blistering pace. He finally neared Beast Boy's room, and reached a victorious hand up, trying to grasp Robin's leg.

Robin brightened spontaneously, and snapped his finger happily. Smiling, he said, "All right! I got it!"

"You got a hunk-a-hunk-a burnin' man-love!" Beast Boy said.

Slade hissed in joy as his fingers began to close around Robin's ankle. Like a iron vice.. Closing.. Closing.. Cl-

A shadowy figure swung by Slade, tethered to a rope mounted higher on the Tower.

Falling. Falling. Slade was falling down the Tower now.

Screaming. Screaming. Slade was screaming as he fell down the Tower.

Impacting the ground with a sickening thud was what Slade was doing.

Someone landed a few feet beside him in a crouch. A tall, shadowy thing of power and terror.

"What the.." Slade asked groggily, raising his head up. His one eye widened in surprise as-

WHAM!

A foot sailed across his mask, causing him to tumble and roll over the ground.

"Who are you!" Slade demanded angrily, climbing to his feet.

"I'm the Batman."

The dark knight stood menacing and powerful in front of Slade, his cape billowing and moving about him in every imaginable direction like an aura of demonic strength.

"Pfft! If you're Batman, I'm the tooth fairy, and I don't even believe in the tooth fairy!" Slade laughed.

"… I'm the Batman!"

Slade tumbled backwards as a fist impacted his face. Another slamming into his stomach. A foot spiraling about and jolting his back. Lighting fast attack followed by lighting fast attack. Bewildering and maiming and driving you insane not knowing where it will come from next and –

SLAM!

A final thrust of an elbow into his temple, and Slade landed heavily, sprawled across the ground.

".. I'm the Batman?"

Slade replied with an incoherent mumble.

"Yeah! He's the Batman and I'm the Batman's!" Robin smiled.

"And I'm.. I'm the Beast BOY.." Beast Boy said, sadly and punctuated with a sob.

Starfire slowly leaned up, peering about. She took in the scene about her with her brilliantly hued eyes. She opened her mouth to say something, and-

A ball of small clawed feet, a biting mouth, and fur of fury violently plastered itself to her face.

"Well, guys.. This surely was a TITANic night!" Robin said.

Beast Boy sat deadpan. Batman's lips didn't so much as curve. Slade's eye remained glossy and closed halfway. Starfire stopped her futile feline fight and sat emotionlessly, her face leaking blood from claw marks. Robin blushed slightly, then…

Everyone present burst into spontaneous laughter.

Slade sat up, his mask leaking forth hearty chuckles.

Robin and Beast Boy leaned against each other, sucking in a deep breath between their fit of humor.

Starfire held onto her kitty assailant, both of them sharing in joyful cackles.

Batman smiled. "Ooh.. Oh.. Oh, heheh.. I'm.. I'm the Batman."

Everyone nodded in agreement to his statement.

"Yes, I do believe we should engage in a figurative 'orgy' of wonderfully friendly Tee Vee watchings!" Starfire declared.

"We'll all share popcorn and a big blanket. And, heheh.. We can share a birdy, too." Slade said smugly, looking in Batman's direction.

Batman's eyes narrowed, and his posture changed. He took on a hostile pose and gazed back at Slade. "I… Am the Batman…man.. man.. man.. man…"

"Dude! He's got his own ECHO!" Beast Boy asked increduosly.

Robin and Beast Boy exited the little bit that remained of the changeling's abode…

-----

The rainbow of superpowered individuals strolled into the Tower's main room, chatting happily.

They paused collectively and listened..

A rhythmic thump.. Thump.. Thump..

Moaning…

Heavy breathing…

Then.. Electricity crackling, and..

Raven jumped up, her face scrunched up in pain. Cyborg raised up near her, a look of concern on his face.

"God – Ugh – Cyborg! I thought you said you screwed that beast in right! A simple battery powered drill is like.. A third cousin to you! Can't you use one!" Raven scowled angrily.

"Dude! Raven! I told you! My frame wasn't meant to use that big ass one! But you were all, 'Uh. Uh. Just cuz I be a skinny white doil don' mean I can't take wut'choo got, big boy.' Maybe you should get some sun!"

The entering group stood, staring fixedly at the scene. Looks of shock spread over their faces.

Cyborg gasped, and Raven spun around. She saw that they had been caught in the act, and she clutched a pillow to her naked body quickly.

"Man! Raven was screwing me! I mean.. I mean.. Screwing stuff into me! Yeah, you know, like with screws and a drill and metal and stuff? Not screwing or anything!"

Raven's visage became impossibly paler, and she pointed an accusing finger at Cyborg. "Rape! Rape! You all saw it! RAPE!"

"Hey, you ho! You should learn to open your mouth only when a man TELLS YOU TO!" Cyborg snarled.

"What! How.. How.. How DARE YOU! I'm a lady of class, I'll have you know!"

"Oh yeah? I've never seen a lady of class who could get their legs to go THAT wide!"

"Well.. I've never seen a real man who needs to lick a car battery to get in the mood!"

The bickering pair continued in the background as Robin looked at Slade. Slowly… He gripped Slade's shoulders. "This bird.. Is ready.. To fly the coop."

"Oh.. Oh.. HELL yes!" Slade pounced on Robin, pinning him to the ground. "I'm gonna show you how high you can fly, baby!"

Starfire and Batman gazed at the two for an instant. Then, their eyes met each others.

"Well.. I believe the saying goes.. 'When in Rome do as the Romans do.' As there is no Rome here, and only a Titan's Tower, I believe we can act differently. How about.. 'When in the residence of the Teen Titans, do – "

"The Batman." He nodded.

"Guh.. Guh.." Beast Boy stuttered. He looked around the room at his hormone filled team mates, idol, and arch villain. He felt an odd sensation at his legs, snaking in, out and around each of them.

He gulped, and looked down at the purring cat. "… This… Is still a children's cartoon…" He promptly morphed into an emerald cat, and trotted off-screen with his feline friend.

-----

Speedy and Aqualad exchanged mortified glances at each other, then peered apprehensively back at their television screen.

"Oh.. My.. God.." They echoed each other.

"I do not believe, if I were convert my age to surface dweller time, I would be of the appropriate age to behold the spectacle that has unfolded on our video monitor.." Aqualad murmured.

Mas and Menos looked at each other. They looked down at themselves, and gasped. They joined hands, and were out of sight in half a second.

"Do you think they're fast in that regard?" Speedy asked.

"…"

"…"

"Cyborg never liked me that much." Bumblebee said mournfully.

Speedy opened his mouth to spout something back, when there was a shout from their TV.

Beast Boy ran across the monitor, a vicious cat attached to his bare, naked back. "It wasn't a girl caaaaaaaaaaaaa-"

Aqualad promptly changed the channel, and burrowed deeper into the couch.

The loud roars of a monster truck's engine rose, fell, rose, then fell again.

Speedy nodded, and smiled. "Good choice."

Bumblebee quietly draped over the couch, watching as the huge truck revved its engine a final time, then rocketed towards a stretching ramp.

All was peaceful as each Titan sat quietly.

The truck, flew, flew, flew, and began to descend..

"How can you get any enjoyment from metal ramming in and out of you?" Bumblebee asked spontaneously.

Aqualad raised a hand, about to answer –

Mas and Menos streaked through the Tower's main room, naked from the waist down. They were shouting in fear.

"What the h-"

VROOOOM!

The Titans spun around as the bottom of a monster truck got closer, closer, closer.. And..

SMASH!

-----

Hissing..

Steaming..

Battered metal creaking..

And.. A truck's door squealing open.

The driver stepped out, spun in a circle, and surveyed the damage.

"How could they forget me? You think I ever get any living in a place called 'Bludhaven'!" Nightwing asked angrily. "I'm a Titan! I was in the show! I deserve more than this!"

"Yeah, you do…"

Nightwing brightened.

"You deserve… Me…"

"Wha-?"

Nightwing was slammed to the ground violently. Already, Aqualad was stripping his clothes off..

-----

Beast Boy leapt mightily off the Tower's edge.

A second later..

A small cat followed after him.

"Can you fly, kitty! Can you FLY?"

Beast Boy morphed into an eagle as the cat soared down past him, and impacted the ground bloodily. The camera caught every inch of the gory decimation and played it in agonizingly slow bullet-time.

"… It's still a children's show."

And Beast Boy still didn't have any clothes on.

-FIN


End file.
